Heart and Soul

“What do you do for a living?”, is quite an open question. To do something for a living implies to me that you eat, sleep, drink, breathe your chosen “living”.

 This is true of doulas.

Whether we are on call, phones stuck to our hands, ready to spring in to action from the moment you ask us to come, or reading through our next book to expand our wealth of knowledge on pregnancy and birth, we are living as doulas, 24/7.

If you ask a doula about her job, she will gently tell you that it is not a job. It is her passion, her calling.

Doulas love to doula.

When explaining what I do to someone who has never heard of a doula before, I sometimes get the response “Oh nice, so you turn up for the birth, make sure everybody is happy and then walk away with your fee?”

Oh no no no, it is so much more than that!

Once we have met, I will be thinking about everything you told me at our first meeting. What kind of birth does she want? How can I help her achieve this? Does she want a hippy zen kind of experience or is she looking more for guidance, support and an advocate? What makes her scared? What makes her excited? What information can I share with her to help her make decisions? Does her birth partner need my support too? What tools should I put in my doula bag for her?

I will be helping create your birth plan, making you aware of potential obstacles and how to negotiate around them. I will be signposting you towards information and support that is relevant and safe for you. I’ll be constantly consulting my hive of a doula network for extra tips and advice to bring even more knowledge to your birth. I will be answering the questions you text me that have been worrying you for days but you felt like they were too silly to ask. I’ll be there to keep reminding you that you can do it and you can own it!

Once you text or call to say that you are starting to have mild contractions, I’ll be ready to come when asked. As you pace about your home during early labour, I’ll be pacing mine, mentally planning and preparing, hoping that you get the birth experience you desire. Once I’m with you, I am completely with you. By your side until you are ready for me to leave. My instincts tell me when to go all out protector and implement your wishes with those attending your birth, or whether to melt in to the background allowing you to focus on you and your body and your partner.

I’ll keep you smiling, nourished, watered and empowered to be the birthing goddess you know you can be. I’ll keep coaching you through your contractions, wishing I could take some of the load for you. We’ll breathe through them together, one surge at a time. I’ll encourage your partner to get involved in the process (if he is comfortable) and show him how to help you through. I’ll sense your partner’s emotions: excitement/anxiety/elation/fear/wonderment and guide them too.

I’ll feel your joy and raw emotion as your baby arrives in to this world and I’ll spend the next half hour telling you how amazing you are, how incredible you did and how beautiful your baby is, and I’ll mean it. I’ll quietly cry when you do and when your partner does and I’ll feel all of the emotions that arrive when your baby does.

I’ll stay with you until you no longer need me, quietly taking my leave, contemplating your birth as I drive home again. I’ll be available to give advice and support from the moment you arrive home as a new family until you’re happy and confident in your abilities as a mother. I’ll visit with a different doula bag, bringing supplies to help you enjoy your babymoon. I’ll coo over your little bundle of joy and tell you again how amazing you were during your birth. We’ll talk about your birth over a cup of tea and I’ll answers your questions about anything you didn’t understand or were concerned about.

And when the time comes that you no longer need me, I’ll give you all a big cuddle and say my goodbyes. And although I’ll be leaving you, you’ll never really leave me. You and your family will forever be part of my heart and soul and your birth will always stay with me.

A doula puts her heart and soul in to caring for and supporting you and your family. Expect nothing less from us and never feel like you’re asking too much of us. Being a doula is a calling and a passion. When we eventually discover this passion, we realise that we were always meant to be right here doing just this.

Who runs the world? Girls!

Wow! Has it really been nearly 2 months since my last post? I honestly don’t know where the time goes! I had planned to write this straight after my weekend at the Doula Preparation Workshop but yet again, the weeks have escaped me and now here we are, mid May already!

There’s so much to tell you about the workshop that I’m going to have to take my time and make sure I don’t forget anything!

Firstly though, I want to apologise for the length of time that has passed since my last post. April was pretty manic and just flew by in no time at all! I honestly can’t remember if I mentioned it or not in a previous post but way back in December, I thought it would be a good idea to organise a charity ceilidh for my 30th which took place on the 14th April, 3 weekends before my actual birthday. In the end, it was a fantastic night with a great amount raised for charity, but the 2-3 weeks leading up to it were so stressful with last minute changes and hitches. It really took its toll on my body with breakouts and an IBS flare up (which has been mainly under control since finishing uni) and just general fatigue and restlessness. Annoyingly, because my body had started to get used to this stressful state, I was mega anxious in the couple of days before the workshop, getting worried about silly things like what food to take to share and whether I’d be “too clinical” to fit in. All completely unnecessary and possibly a little neurotic!

Anyhoo, I’ll start from the beginning now.

Sheila Kitzinger was an anthropologist who is known as being “the high priestess of natural childbirth”. She has written many books during her lifetime which I would highly recommend reading, but the one I have gained most from, so far, is “The Politics of Birth”. Kitzinger looks at childbirth around the world and discusses how politics and the developed world has impacted on the natural processes of childbirth. When you look at pregnancy and childbirth throughout history and across the globe, it has such a spiritual connection. It is also woven in to the various religions around the world too with many different beliefs and traditions shaping the pregnancy and birthing journey to parenthood.

I’ve managed to find a short list of some cultures and traditions which you can read by clicking here. As you can see, most of the cultures are based around nurturing both the woman and her newborn in the early postnatal period.

Now, I would describe myself as a semi-spiritual agnostic with an open mind and respect for other people’s beliefs but before the course, I was a little worried that it would be too “hippy” for me and that my “logical” mind would find it too outlandish to get much out of it. Seriously, I had a full conversation with my other half about it and whether he thought I would cope with it. (Thankfully he’s a lot less neurotic than me and believes that I’ll cope with anything!)

Well as you can probably guess, I had nothing to worry about. (I’m going to call our course leader Dinah just for the sake of anonymity.) Dinah was freakin’ awesome! Being the neurotic person I am, I ended up arriving pretty early (had left super early to make sure I could find a parking space and then find her home) and she welcomed me in like a friend. The rest of the girls arrived in dribs and drabs and then we began the breastfeeding workshop. I probably didn’t need to do this part of the course following my studies and experiences in uni but I wanted to try and gain some more confidence in my skills. I’m so glad I did.

The afternoon was spent discussing each of our experiences with breastfeeding; whether as someone who has assisted, someone who has breastfed their own child or even someone who has only observed breastfeeding. We discussed our thoughts and feelings towards it and then at the end of the session, Dinah answered any specific questions we had in relation to breastfeeding.

The Saturday and Sunday were both spent focussing on pregnancy, birth and the early postnatal period. The workshop took place in such a relaxing environment that I almost forgot we were learning. Although I had the “medical” knowledge of childbirth, I gained so much more knowledge around the more holistic ways that I can support women and their families during this period. At all times, Dinah made us feel like we could do and achieve anything we set our minds to. She was like a steady fountain of calmness, wisdom and courage, gently guiding the conversations to make sure we covered the content required.

Although I had never met any of the other women on the course before the weekend, I left feeling as though I had known them for so much longer. I enjoyed hearing of their own experiences and plans and shared in their excitement as they talked about their futures as doulas.

The course, and the weeks that followed, have reminded me how important it is to have a strong circle of women in your life. Although we are all different, women understand women. We can learn from our differences and build on our similarities. I am lucky to have so many strong women in my life who help me to be the best version of myself possible.

Back to my doula life now though. I have now bought a web domain and am starting to build up my website which is so exciting! (and very time consuming!). Hopefully, if I pull my finger out, I can launch this next month and start actively advertising my doula services.

I also have a few ideas in the pipeline on extra doula related activities but I’m keeping those under wraps for now. I feel like now I’m passed the big 30th birthday, I have renewed sense of identity and purpose and a lot more determination!

Anyway, I’ve written enough for today. I’m off to write some more website content! Hopefully I won’t leave it so long until next time.

C x